Understanding.

I think I'm terrified by potential, by the possibility of being different.  Of clarifying my version of success.  Of growing up and out and onwards, and stepping into my unknown.  I know that living a life in suburbia won't give me that deep sense of contentment that I search for.  I'm scared because I have so much freedom right now to truly shape my future and it feels daunting.  Once again I'm in that analysis paralysis where I think think think instead of do do do.

I know some things that I want, so maybe it will help to clarify them.
I want health and happiness.
I want to find fulfilling employment.
I want to design a life that has space for excellent food and raising a family.
I want to forever be a student of this world, these people, these experiences.
I want to be humble, curious, grateful, gracious, adventurous.
I want to be able to take long-term approaches to most things.
I want to learn how to farm.
I want to learn.
I want to take people as they are without trying to change them or mold them into someone else.
I want to continually work on myself while realizing that I am good enough as I am.
I want to be fluent in more than one language.
I want to find peace with myself - my decisions, my successes, my failures.
I want to cultivate patience and understanding.

Thank you

So condemning in its honesty.  


http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/john_gatto.html

Hard

...first measly attempts at haiku.  And finding something worthwhile.  I feel horrible with myself and am so critical of everything I do, working so hard to be so much better, so much different, so much less me.  Getting nowhere and can't get out of bed in the mornings, which quickly become afternoons - painful for such horrible reasons. 

10.20.2011

searing eyes critique

valleys pockets folds of mine

the stark nudity

sitting lazy now

another day gone again

why do I do this

soft lonely girl sits

books and flashbacks twirl her mind

healing is too hard

time is a privilege

I have so much of it that

inner demons haunt

Heard.

There is a genre of music called cowpunk.  How wonderful is that?!  A punk-country fusion with one of the most compelling labels I've ever heard.  

(Image from http://www.cowboysindians.com/Cowboys-Indians/June-2010/Cowpunk/)

Choice.

Do you want to make money and impress people with your corner office, $50,000 Mercedes, 4500-square-foot-house, tailored suits, swimming pool, Sun Valley-acquired tan...?  If these are your goals, tuck your kids into daycare, drink your milk of magnesia, and stop simpering about 60-hour work weeks.  You've made your choice.

(Andy Dappen)

System.

New Humanitarian had standard subjects, like history and math, and Danya had many hours of homework a week. But Bogin added courses like antimanipulation, which was intended to give children tools to decipher commercial or political messages. He taught a required class called myshleniye, which means “thinking,” as in critical thinking. It was based in part on the work of a dissident Soviet educational philosopher named Georgy Shchedrovitsky, who argued that there were three ways of thinking: abstract, verbal and representational. To comprehend the meaning of something, you had to use all three.

When I asked Bogin to explain Shchedrovitsky, he asked a question. “Does 2 + 2 = 4? No! Because two cats plus two sausages is what? Two cats. Two drops of water plus two drops of water? One drop of water.”

From there, the theories became more complex. In practice, though, the philosophy meant that Bogin delighted in barraging children with word problems and puzzles to force them to think broadly. It was the opposite of the rote memorization of the Soviet system.

(Clifford J. Levy

exerpt from "My Family's Experiment in Extreme Schooling"

NYTimes.com)

President.

I really believe that if every American spent about ten minutes on this website, What the Fuck Has Obama Done So Far, we would be less prone to irate outbursts of hatred and following others' condemning opinions like docile little sheep.  I mean, come on!  The man is a legislative powerhouse. 

Taken as single accomplishments, I can easily understand why his political efficacy can be challenged.  I mean, who cares about reversing the "global gag rule" to allow U.S. aid to organizations regardless of whether they provide abortions?  I don't have a job, I need money, and the economy is pretty far from ideal at the moment.  The global gag rule is not really of primary concern in my life at the moment.

Taken not even as a whole (that would be too overwhelming for me), but in many bite-sized tidbits provided by What the Fuck Has Obama Done So Far, it is clear to me that our President prioritizes a lot of values that I myself hold dear.  And he has tirelessly worked to put those values, goals, and ideals into action through legislative change. 

Some of the feats are almost unimaginable - like giving the FDA the authority to regulate the manufacturing, marketing, and sale of tobacco for the first time (Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act), or improving average fuel economy standards (35.5 mpg starting in 2016).

I worked on the campaign in 2008, but I am not a die hard supporter of Obama.  In my opinion, he needs to prove himself over and over - the presidency certainly isn't a position that allows for inaction.  By frequently investigating the man and his work, however, I remain assured that he is acting with the best interests of ALL Americans in mind.  And I really, really like his grassroots funding and insistence on transparency.  

Also check out Recovery.gov and Serve.gov for two thought-provoking websites (brought to you by our President).