I just finished this paper for my Sustainability Seminar course and turned it in online. The assignment was intended to be an analytical assessment of the STARS tool, which the seminar was structured around. I started writing the paper and quickly realized that I had more to say than detached observations on the STARS process, which is why the 4-6 page response paper assignment evolved into a personal documentation of my experiences with "sustainability" in general.
Sophie
17 December 2010
Evaluation of STARS as an Educational Tool
MY EXPERIENCES IN THE CAPSTONE SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT SEMINAR
I’ve been a part of the UCCS community for only one semester at this point; however, my experiences here have been surprising, thought provoking, different, and closely aligned with what I want from my college education. I picked up a minor in Sustainable Development while finishing up my Psychology major, mostly because I have been very concerned with my own (and others’) lack of willingness to adopt sustainable lifestyle modifications. My academic background at Kenyon College and Colorado College
I felt like my science background (mainly biology, chemistry, and neuroscience courses, as well as a summer spent researching lateral inhibition and horizontal cell pH fluxes in the vertebrate retina at the Marine Biological Laboratory) were very removed from my sociology and feminist and gender studies courses. I chose one biology course, “Biodiversity and Conservation,” as a last-minute schedule filler. I fell in love with the course and my professor—we debated the effectiveness of community-based conservation approaches in regards to native peoples, biodiversity, outsiders, and ecotourists, and I spent hours in his office hashing out ideas and theories. I ended up writing a nineteen-page final exam—the expected length was around 3-4 pages. Basically, I was desperately hooked.
My UCCS classes in the Sustainable Development minor have been both academically eye-opening and personally frustrating at the same time. How is it possible to know what I know, yet to continue living a hugely consumptive and ecologically unjust lifestyle? I’ve often been unable to sleep at night, which is an incredible feat coming from a narcoleptic. Every decision I make is a source of internal conflict and unabated guilt. Who was forced to sacrifice their health, rights, family, land, and/or freedom for me to be able to buy three pounds of bananas at Wal-Mart for $1.00? I felt paralyzed and unable to make basic decisions for myself. My friends and roommates stopped asking me to go out to eat or to stop by college parties, knowing that I would decline anyways. I couldn’t understand how I had frivolously tossed money around in the past, buying J. Crew wardrobes with my employee discount and prioritizing the maintenance of my materialistic lifestyle (which, by the way, would require 6.6 planet Earths to provide enough resources if every person lived like me).
My closest friends didn’t understand why I chose to spend all my time in my room, alone. My self-imposed “hibernation” became a source of contention, and when I revealed my skepticism and questioned basic institutions with my friends, I was perceived as attacking their core values and beliefs (this was especially true when I was talking with two of my roommates and best friends about marriage). My closest friends did not want to think about cause-and-effect chains or see my compost container on the kitchen counter. I felt stuck, so I wallowed alone in my own questions and searched for something to make me feel more in control again.
Although these invasive thoughts were uncomfortable, persistent, and disturbing, I came to understand the importance of my newfound awareness. Constantly dwelling on the individual consequences of my decisions quickly changed how I spent my money and time, but not substantially enough to quell the intrusive thoughts. I spent night after night holed up in my room, staring at the ceiling and scribbling notes on whatever was nearby—napkins, bed sheets, front covers of books, my arms, etc. Why didn’t anyone else get it? Why was everyone so happy and carefree? I have always believed that ignorance is bliss; but even when faced with terrifying statistics and catastrophic natural disasters, why did no one seem to care about sustainability? And why didn’t I let my new and painful awareness lead me towards a truly different lifestyle?
I came to the capstone course in the Sustainable Development minor with very high expectations. I wanted a basis in theory and enough historical analyses to begin to understand the progression of the sustainability movement. I wanted to read books and struggle and think and get my hands dirty. I was sick of feeling completely helpless, out of control, and racked with guilt. I was looking forward to talking with people who might have experienced similar internal conflicts to learn how they managed to satiate their consciences (or not). I was about to rip Jiminy Cricket off my shoulder and feed him to my pet rats, not caring about the ever-increasing length of my own Pinocchio nose.
Working on the STARS assessment was a surprise that has culminated in feelings of resentment, a pinch of gratitude, and a bit of apathy. The capstone seminar seemed very separate from my feelings and previous education concerning sustainable development, which has been very disconcerting. In the course syllabus, the course is described as “intended to create a unifying conclusion to the minor in Sustainable Development (SUDV) and to ensure that every SUDV graduate is knowledgeable of the basic principles of sustainable development” (1). Although we went over the three-pronged view of sustainability, I feel strongly that theory, history, and seminal texts were missing from the seminar. I feel as though a capstone seminar should start broadly and integrate every student into a foundation of knowledge, then delve deeply into one or two important topics. Although the STARS seminar somewhat followed this trajectory, focusing on a college campus seems limited in perspective.
In a bizarre form of rebellion against the seminar content, I decided to take action to mold my own education and meet my own expectations. Instead of devoting my time to the STARS assessment, I spent time reading and observing and thinking. I sat in libraries for hours, walking from section to section and pulling out books that intrigued and scared me. I focused on introspection, trying to figure out what I am passionate about and what I want to do with my future (what/who do I want to be when I “grow up?”). I read Environmental Psychology textbooks and the Independent newspaper. I pulled advertisements off bathroom stalls and bookmarked websites that made me think.
I learned a lot about myself as a person and a student, but I’m not sure how much of my new knowledge is tied to the STARS assessment. When I eventually picked up the pace on the assessment and began talking to UCCS faculty and staff, I really enjoyed the experience. Russ Wilcox, my contact for a credit involving the UCCS campus fleet, was absolutely helpful and kind. We talked about STARS for a while and he made a helpful matrix to condense information about the campus vehicles, but most of our conversation was a bit off the topic of sustainability. I learned more about Russ, his family, and his experiences, and told him about my dreams and aspirations. Russ ended up giving me his business card, telling me to pass it on to my boyfriend Peter. He offered to serve as a mentor for Peter, who is considering transitioning from enlisted service in the army to a career as a small town cop.
My most valuable experiences with the STARS assessment involved conversations and meetings with other people on campus. Although I’m a bit of a statistics lover, I rarely experience a wide range of emotions when manipulating a data set. In contrast, meeting with UCCS faculty and staff enabled me to assign faces to different aspects of campus life. Even stepping in the Science and Engineering Building
The most influential experiences that I’ve had this semester in terms of my SUDV minor have been outside the Sustainability Seminar activities. I significantly overdrew my meager bank account to attend the AASHE conference in Denver Tufts University
1) will not use plastic water bottles
2) will not accept shopping bags/grocery bags
3) will not use Styrofoam food containers
(http://www.gretchenbleiler.com/21-day-reusable-challenge/)
After the student summit (and searching desperately for a Chase Bank to cash a small check for food), I walked about a mile on Colfax Ave.
On my way back to the Ramada, I ran into a homeless woman who was asking for change to buy some fast food. I gave her a big container of hot soup and a plastic spoon, and she offered to give me the change she had collected. After a brief interaction, I continued on Colfax Ave.
Like the homeless woman I had spoken with before, Fred was trying to collect some spare change to buy some food. He was dressed in a huge, torn, puffy black jacket that almost reached to the ground. My initial reaction upon seeing a very tall black man in a huge coat is worthy of some introspection on my part—however, I quickly realized that Fred was probably pretty hungry. He asked me if I happened to have any spare change, and I asked him if he would like some of the Japanese food that I had just gotten from down the street. He seemed a little unsure, and insisted on giving me the change he had collected that night. I gave him some soup and a few small containers of noodles and tofu dishes, but realized that I didn’t have anymore plastic utensils. I asked Fred if he wanted to run into a 7-11 with me to grab a spoon and a fork, but he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. He waited on a curb while I grabbed a few things in the convenience store. I bought the biggest water bottle in the 7-11, along with a heated breakfast burrito, protein bar, and some eating utensils. The store clerk packed it all in a plastic bag.
I found Fred waiting on the curb—he had almost finished the huge container of soup without a spoon, leaving only a few noodles in the bottom of the plastic container. I gave him what I had found at 7-11, and then we sat on the curb and talked for a while. I have never met anyone who is as selfless as Fred. He didn’t eat anything other than the soup, and when I asked him why, he said he was part of a community of homeless people in the area and that some of his friends would need the food more than him. He worried about my cough, and insisted on using his collected change to call me from a pay phone in a few hours to make sure I had gotten back to Colorado Springs
All I could think about was how this toothless black man, with no home or place to sleep, was more concerned about me than about his own situation. I felt desperately ashamed and disgusted by my own selfishness. I was about to hop into a reliable, warm car, fill it up with gas, and drive back to my house in Colorado Springs
In a period of a few hours, I violated each and every one of the pledges I had made with the 500+ other students and Gretchen Bleiler. In no way, however, did I feel any remorse for my environmentally callous decisions. Dr. Agyeman’s presentation helped realize how integral each tier of the concept of sustainability deserves a huge amount of attention, work, and legislation. In my mind at this point, refusing to acknowledge the humanity of a homeless person is as detrimental (if not more) to the world as buying a case of plastic water bottles. The AASHE conference definitely left me feeling hopeful and changed, despite the fact that I had a lot of new things to mull over (and a lot of subsequently sleepless nights). However, it motivated me to continue my independent education as opposed to crunching numbers for the STARS assessment.
STARS has been an effective tool for me to delve deeper into UCCS management and policies. However, as a sustainability assessment and learning tool, I think it falls short—at least for a capstone seminar in the Sustainable Development minor. STARS seems more like a project for a dedicated few students to work on in an independent study, or alternatively for a group of freshman/sophomore students to complete after declaring their Sustainable Development minors. I undoubtedly learned a great deal about UCCS and the inner mechanics of academic institutions in general; however, I was hoping for a seminar that would enable me to study current issues in depth and maybe even learn different career avenues and life choices to make my future align with my beliefs. Through my own personal investigations, I have found a deeper level of introspection than I had experienced before. This newfound awareness was linked with the Sustainability Seminar and the STARS assessment in general; I learned more, however, from taking advantage of opportunities (the AASHE conference, speaking with UCCS faculty, reading many books in the library, picking up trash on my way to class, making my own compost bin, etc.) than from the seminar alone. The capstone Sustainability Seminar was a building block for me to reinforce my personal interest in the topic, as evidenced by the list I kept in the back few pages of my class notebook, recording concepts, papers, people, and books that I wanted to look into further.
